Awesome in the Morning

I start feeling frustrated

I feel ignored

I express frustration and people run away

I feel guarded and people come back

I stay distant

I feel numb

They want more and I say I have nothing left to give

I worry they won’t feel comfortable expressing themselves because they will try to protect me

I feel like I am pushing them away

They are recovered but I am not

I feel guilty because maybe I missed a chance

I regret it

I hate myself for doing it 

I tell myself I won’t let myself go this far next time 

I want to disappear 

I wake up at 4 and distract myself with tv

I will try to be awesome in the morning